He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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