i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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