She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
