I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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