i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
