I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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