Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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