D3 body, D1 cock
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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