I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
