mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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