Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
