listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
