dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
