I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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