I just threw up on my dentist
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
