He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
