Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
