Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
