i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
