i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
