Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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