When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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