I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
