I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
