Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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