We're facebook friends in real life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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