guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
