We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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