SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
