We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
