I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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