Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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