You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
