So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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