Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
