dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
