I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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