Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
