I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
