WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
