I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
