i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
