we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
