I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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