he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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