AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
