i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
