Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
