Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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