my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
