We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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