is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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