mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
