You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize