you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
