So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
