I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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