My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
