He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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