I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
